Sunday, April 12, 2009

I Will Never Not Ever Accept my Body

An adaptation of Charlie & Lola's I Will Never Not Ever Eat a Tomato by Lauren Child

I Will Never Not Ever Accept my Body

I have this little mom friend, Didi
She is small and very skinny
Sometimes I have to keep my eyes off of her flat tummy
Sometimes I am jealous of her size 2 Seven jeans
This is very sucky because she is my friend and she has body issues too

Didi also envies me of course
She thinks rounder bellies are sexier
I say, "But what about my teeny, tiny tits?"
She says, "Mine are too small too. And floppy at that."
One day I played a good trick on her.

Didi was staring in the mirror scowling at her reflection.
And she said,
"I do not like the bags under my eyes or the skinny knees under my thighs
 or the length of my toes or the slant of my nose
or the color of my lips or the curve of my hips.
I am not fond of my hands or my elbows or my wrists or my ankles.
And I absolutely will never not ever accept my body."
(Didi hates to be content.)

And I said,
"That is lucky because we're not obsessing about any of those things today. 
We're not going to diss the bags under your eyes or the knees under your thighs or the length of your toes or the slant of your nose
There will be no putting down the color of your lips or the curve of your hips. 
We don't have time to criticize your hands or your elbows or your wrists or  your ankles
And we certainly won't be accepting your body anytime soon."

Didi looked in the mirror.
"Then why do I still see bags under my eyes? I - don't - ever- like - my - eyes."
And I said, 
"Oh, you think those are just your eyes? They are not just your eyes. Those are your wonderviewers."
"They look just like baggy 'ole eyes to me," said Didi.
"But how can they be baggy 'ole eyes?" I asked.
"Baggy 'ole eyes don't stare lovingly at your son and longingly at your husband and adoringly at the glisten of the sun on the ocean. Wonderviewers do all this and more. They cry the tender tears of motherly concern and love's frustrations and life's sadnesses."
"That's true," said Didi.
"Well, I might just try one loving glance at my eyes if they're that special.
Hmmm, not bad," she said and took another loving glance.

Then Didi started in on her hair.
"I don't like my frizzy curls," said Didi.
I said,
"These are not just curls.
Of course they are not.
These are twistagiggles from your soul's longing to express itself.
They are made out of hopes and dreams and soar to the heavens."
"But I don't like my curls," Didi said.
"Oh goody," I said. "I'll have your share. Twistagiggles are so incredibly rare." 
"Well, maybe I'll let just one or two out today. Oh," said Didi, "quite cute."

Next Didi frowned at her knees.
"I will not like my knees, so don't even try, not bare or hidden."
"Oh, these aren't just knees. People often think that but no, these are your jollyjoints that run after your son learning to ride his bike and bend to pick him up when he's fallen and climb you to the top of sunset cliffs and lock your legs in passion around your husband."
"Oh," said Didi, "in that case juice up my jollyjoints. I love to make love."

"Rachel," she said looking in the mirror again, "these look like bumpy elbows to me, and I will never love my bumpy elbows."
"I know that. These are not bumpy elbows. These are superbendyhuggers from heaven - meant to embrace loved ones close to your heart."
"Oh, I've seen those on other people before. Yes, I know the ones. I think I've felt those kinds of hugs before too," Didi said, wrapping her arms around herself and smiling. 
"Can I give you a hug now?" she asked. And she did.

And then she said, looking in the mirror again,
"Rachel, will you take a look at these?"
And I said,
"What, at those?"
And Didi said,
"Yes, Rachel, both of these."
And I couldn't believe my eyes because guess what she was pointing at - her breasts.
And I said,
"Are you sure? 
Both of those?"
And she said,
"Yes, of course, my happyhooters are my favorite.
"You didn't think they were just breasts, did you, Rachel?" 


  1. Awesome post:) I ordered your book...can't wait to get it!

  2. Oh my gosh I am a little bit misty right now. That was absolutely gorgeous... and... could it really be that Didi is actually... oh, what does it matter anyway. I love her. And her baggy ole eyes. Beautiful Rachel, thank you for this new blog and I can't wait for more.

  3. I am even more excited about your book after reading this. Amazon shipped it to me today - woo hoo! I loved all you fun little words that you used. What a great perspective.

  4. What a beautiful blog! I think I know who Didi is =) (aside from being all of us, of course!) What a loving, wonderful, amazing group of women I have found to share this insane parenting adventure!! Thank Rachel!